The last trip home

3/31/08


I’m sitting in the Denver airport, having missed the flight to Indianapolis because of “a light in the cockpit” requiring a return to the Seattle terminal. We were both sick over the weekend. It’s just as well we didn’t try to fly yesterday. But now I’ll miss most of the calling hours at the Funeral Home.

I’m sure Tom Wolfe’s definition of going home is more complex than mine, but I believe I am going home, at least for a day.

Quietly in her sleep

There was no recovery. Mother was moved to a nursing home this past week where she apparently gained some sense of awareness and was even fed some applesauce.

Last night her breathing became slowly quieter till it was no more.

I'm writing her obituary today. Maybe I'll post it.

Now What?

I've been home a couple of days now. Getting back into work is helpful, though my efficiency isn't very great. I'll be working this weeekend to get caught up. There was no way I could work while in Atlanta. It was certainly physically/structurally possible, but emotionally impossible. The distance makes it harder and easier. The latest report from my brother is that there's been no change beyond the same roller-coaster we've been on for over three weeks now. It's just wait.

Going home

5 March 2008

In the Atlanta airport waiting for the flight home, I’m reflecting on the time here. Mother had quite shallow breathing when I said goodbye last night. The roller coaster continues. I’ve done all I can. With my brother looking after the house, I’m looking after the finances – long distance. Together we will see that the bills are paid, at least in the short term. We’ve decided to leave her house just as it is for now. There’s still a chance she will move back there, even for a brief transitional stay.

It’s challenging time. There is confusion, with the uncertainty and potential changes. There is the inevitable reminder of our immortality. As I went through Mother’s files, looking for how to keep things going, get things changed, I had to reflect on the challenge my files would present my kids if they had to figure things out. Wow! It would be challenging. I’ll have to clean up with that in mind – someday.

Continuing the vigil

Visiting rehab facilities. Trying to figure out what next. Mother still only wakes up occasionally, and doesn’t recognize anyone. Yesterday she was very clear in repeatedly pointing to her mouth that she wanted something. Probably hungry maybe dry mouth. The feeding through the PEG port was just getting going. She hadn’t had anything in her stomach for 24 hours, so that’s a likely response. It took quite some time to get the mouth cleansing and moisturizing to happen. That seemed to satisfy her.

The most challenging thing is not knowing how the recovery will go. At what point do we need to see progress to know the brain is re-connecting itself? Yesterday it was as though she woke up for a few minutes, looked at me with uncertainty for awhile, then went back to sleep to work on assembling the puzzle in private. She always liked puzzles.

There’s the quality of life issue that my brother and I are struggling with. We just talked with the weekend neurologist. It’s just wait. Another EEG tomorrow to see if there is any sign of seizure, which would be treated. So far, no such indication.

It’s time to do my laundry.